What does this all mean?

I felt just like him.I've been trying to find the words to say to my ex . so i can for SURE say he's been hurting for so long andhe will always love you but the pain you brought was 10xs worse than any joy you've brought and it can never be fixed or apologized . These are some real deep rooted feelings that hes been keeping bottled up and If you haven't got this letter yet its b/c hes holding it in trying to work something out that doing nothing but huting him, I dont know what you did and i'm not judging,but hes really serious. : /